I don’t know how to distinguish about love for ur man and love for ur The Merciful and The True Lover in universe since u have married by a man. Like me, after our wedding day on 2nd September 2012 ago, when he declared about his vow to always love and protect me, to keep our faithful in our agreement of wedding (in Islam we said it Ijab Qobul), I though that I have no reason to refuse his love, and after that, I started to love him day per day. But… sometimes my love into him were dominate and sometimes I forgot to giving love to another like giving the love to Allah frequently. Innalillah. I noticed that it wasn’t because his mistake, but mine of course. I should have enclosed my love to Allah before spend my love to my husband or to the other. Yes, it is, I have to enclose it, by now.
Sabiq hakim, my husband, he always try to guiding and fostering me in our domestic life. Warning me to always taqorrub ilallah (get close to Lord), to do the several things of Hardship like Solah, keep remembering me reciting Qur’an and memorized it, to make du’a, to give sadaqoh, and waking up early. He support me to set a goal for my vision too (having an UK scholarship for example). In addition, he gave me a seed in my womb one month after our wedding. Hihihi, he was so fruitful and healthy, right?… ^_^, with God’s permition of course. And during my pregnancy, he tried to protect and keep me safe although his joke was feeling me hurt sometimes.. Huumm.. maybe it because my sensitivity were increase since the fetus coming in my womb. It maybe the hormone estegosteron impact. I’m not really sure.
Seven months during my pregnancy, my body getting big and so fat. Oh, I worried about my labor. Frustrated and bad headache was attacked me sometimes. I worried that I have a diabetes, pre eclampshy or something more bad than I thought. Na’udzubillah. And…the day by now, I haven’t preparing yet for my mentality when the day come. The childbirth. There so many things that u have should prepared before the labor time coming. Jasadiyah and ruhiyah. Jasadiyah like ur healthness and strongly physichs, maybe u must preparing about financial secure too before the time comes. And when u have to prepare ur Ruhiyah, let’s talk about “improving the signal to the Skies”. Tadzkiroh to the God that can make us ready when He gave His decree that we have no long time to live after the birth.
I have told to my husband about this session, about having no life after the childbirth. Maybe the contraction would make me die, and I have no power to make sure that I have a life the day after tomorrow, that I can be a mother who delegate her life for taking care her son. It just about His Decree. When he (my husband.red) heard about my statement whether I have no longer life with him and with our baby, because of the labor of the death, I saw the sadness in his voice when he respond my story although he won’t to show it out to me. As I know,when we go to sleep, I felt his hug was very deep and strong, and he kiss my brow repeatedly. I’m not in my speculation, but seems that he crying because there’s something wet down on my knees. Oh, I know that he do love me. I don’t mean that my words would make him sad. Oh, Allah, I love him.
But I’m not kidding about the the death. U must prepare the best things during ur life for the best life after u die. as "Asy Syahidah", Insya Allah, the title which was pinned for u mother, if ur death was because struggling ur kid in the childbirth time. But.. how ready are you to prepare it?
------To be continued-----